
The title of the 1985 Eurythmics/Aretha Franklin hit instantly came to me when I had the idea to write this piece. It seems very apropos that I started writing it just before International Women’s Day, the one day a year that the world deems fit to celebrate the beauty, resilience, strength, power, wisdom, and majesty of women! At a time in history when we are witnessing the most brutal atrocities, injustices, and upheavals all around us, I can’t help but feel that had our global consciousness and sensibilities remained under the direction and guidance of women, we would be experiencing a very different scenario. It is in reverence to the rise of the Divine Feminine that I felt compelled to birth this post.
During a period of particularly challenging physical, emotional and spiritual shifts and transitions in my life, the universe generously blessed me by bringing some amazing women into my field. Not only were they my refuge and safe haven in my most vulnerable moments, but they also were, and still are, a source of strength, wisdom, courage, hope, and inspiration. From completely different backgrounds and upbringings, cultures and mentalities, ranging from our mid forties to our early seventies, we share countless commonalities as women, and especially, during this autumn, perimenopausal, ‘Wild Woman’ phase and into the winter, post-menopausal, ‘Wise Woman’ phase of our lives. It is an extreme honor and gift to witness their indomitable spirit, continual blossoming, and the collective dynamism, confidence, and freedom that we are all experiencing and relishing at this time. This profound shared experience is, ironically, in direct contrast to what women have been traditionally taught about this very significant and poignant stage in a woman’s life which has generally been horribly inaccurate and sometimes downright depressing!
Like almost all the women I know, growing up, our introduction to our bodies, physicality, sensuality, sexuality, wisdom, intuition, and power was severely marred by societal, generational, and patriarchal belief systems, which although mostly unconscious, are nevertheless extremely damaging and debilitating. From our very first transition from the archetypal maiden/virgin into ‘motherhood’, at the time of our first period, the subject of a woman’s natural blooming has been sadly tainted. In the same vain, the transition into ‘mid-life’ and later into the archetype of the crone/wise woman, as a woman’s reproductive years come to their natural finale, is generally represented as a time of decline and decay. It is portrayed as a time that a woman loses her vigor, vitality, and beauty, as opposed to a beautiful period of growth and transformation, and is usually accompanied by feelings of anxiety, sadness, and even depression. In a culture full of abhorrent messages around aging and a toxic obsession with youth, women are fed a program that instead of celebrating this magnificent time of our lives, we should fear and fight it. Thankfully, these perceptions are slowly changing as more and more women are waking up to the truth, debunking all these myths surrounding midlife and menopause, and celebrating the potential exuberance that can come with it, a beautiful midlife ‘awakening’ as opposed to a midlife ‘crisis’.
A short while ago, in the span of a few days, I had the privilege to connect, virtually, with several of my close sisters, in different corners of the globe, after which I had a heart warming and life-affirming revelation. All of these incredible women, each in her own way, through her own personal journey, confirmed this exact reality, fully embodying the courage and resilience that this sacred phase brings. Without exception, every one of these ladies, like myself, has withstood dramatic life changes, a total pivot in their planned trajectory. For most, this has come in the form of an abrupt physical relocation, having the proverbial rug pulled out from under our feet. With established roots and a comfortable living situation, they found themselves unexpectedly displaced, due to personal circumstances. Suddenly and drastically, they have had to shift and adjust to a completely different environment, redefine their sense of ‘belonging’, and find ‘home’ within themselves. The courage that I see in every single one of these women is nothing short of awe-inspiring, a courage that can only come from accepting and surrendering to the divine wisdom of the universe, and to their own inner wise woman.
“She stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails.” (Elizabeth Edwards). Albeit extremely uncomfortable and quite daunting, starting over and re-inventing yourself, particularly at this stage of life, takes a certain determination and resilience, an unshakable faith that you have everything you need to not only survive, but also thrive. It takes the conviction of knowing that age not only does not hinder your growth and expansion, but instead, encourages and supports it. I am beyond inspired by my sisters, who in the magnificent prime of their 60’s and 70’s, continue to ‘adjust their sails’, challenge themselves to find fulfilment, self-expression, purpose, and ways to impart their knowledge and wisdom`, in service to others…a true testament to the unwavering and willing spirit of the feminine!
In a recent grief counselling session, during a particularly vulnerable moment, while I was bawling my eyes out, my amazing coach posed a question that stopped me dead in my tracks and instantly dried my tears. She lovingly suggested that instead of thinking ‘How/why did this happen TO me?’, to try and consider ‘How is this happening FOR me?’. BOOM! In every conversation that I’ve had with my sisters since, that wisdom was re-iterated, re-enforced and reflected back by all. Although our paths have presented us with very real and existential challenges, without fail, we have managed to dig deep, and draw on the innate knowing that there is a lesson to be gleaned from these experiences. It is extremely heartening to behold this embodied wisdom, that life’s biggest challenges arise to push us out of our stagnant comfort zones, and guide us towards something much bigger that is meant for our growth, our healing, our evolution.
Although our journeys can, at times, be wrought with insecurities and deep-rooted fear of the unknown, what shines through is the importance of having compassion and loving kindness, first and foremost for ourselves, and secondly, towards each other and humanity as a whole. American psychologist, author, and meditation teacher Tara Brach beautifully says, ‘This revolutionary act of treating ourselves tenderly can begin to undo the aversive messages of a lifetime.’ Through all the turbulence that my sisters have experienced, I witnessed over and over their ability to show themselves kindness, to be soft in the face of pain, to be OK with not being OK. From this place of embodied tenderness, we are able to relinquish any anger, guilt, shame, or judgment, and faithfully settle into acceptance and surrender to a higher power, and to hold the same space for others. In the same way, it is only from the acceptance and kindness towards our shadows, those parts that so desperately want to be see, heard, and held, that we can, in turn, shine our light. I am forever grateful for the compassionate embrace and loving support of these incredible ladies.
One of the aspects of the ‘Wise Woman’ stage of life, that is almost never lauded is a woman’s sense of freedom; freedom from society’s expectations of her on every level; freedom to finally put herself first; freedom to find and use her voice and her power to create and re-invent herself; freedom to be the queen she was always destined to be, fearlessly and unapologetically. I see in all my sisters this innate sense of coming into their own, of becoming ‘full of themselves’, of living their ultimate truth, untethered, unshackled, unrestricted. I feel extremely blessed to have developed such beautiful friendships with all of these incredible women, who, while finding this new iteration of themselves have helped me find mine. The bonds we share have developed into a solidarity and a sisterhood that has only strengthened through our shared experiences as women. I cherish you all. I thank you for being who you are and for touching me so deeply with your presence.
Namaste!
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
-Maya Angelou
Beautiful and soulful!!